This post is a result of something that vexes me. A common occurrence these days, this is an issue so simple but unnecessarily complicated. Time and again, I’ve seen this happen; the worst thing is that I’ve always been unable to stop it from happening.
So let me present it to you in the form of a story: A and B are friends. A feels infatuated towards B. He starts giving her gifts and asking her out for dates. B is overwhelmed; she enjoys his company. She accepts his gifts and feels special and loved. Both A and B are single. B feels sad because she does not have a boyfriend. Finally, one fine day, A musters the courage to propose her. B is shocked; she only considered him a friend. The friend-zoning cliché yet again. A is devastated and sad. He stops contacting her. B starts feeling guilty for having hurt him. She starts recollecting how special he made her feel and how he ‘loved’ her. Guilt pangs and solitude overpower her common sense and practicality. She contacts him again and accepts his proposal. She feels she will also eventually fall in love with him. He is happy and they get into a relationship. Happy ending, is it?
Most of you might wonder what exactly vexes me in this story. Not one, but many things do. Firstly, why does one have to feel guilty for rejecting a proposal? Is it imperative to reciprocate crushes and infatuations? Don’t things such as friendships and best friendships exist in the world? Do a girl and a boy have to eventually end up as a couple or nothing else? Is friendship extinct? Why should a girl simply accept a proposal because somebody likes her? Don’t her feelings really matter? Why should she suppress her feelings and surrender to a boy? Everybody is independent in taking decisions! Why should a girl fake love only to keep a boy happy?
Secondly, what is so wrong about being single? Is it a crime not to have a boyfriend to cling to all the time? So what if you are single? Why does one have to feel lonely or ashamed of singularity? How can a person’s status be determined on the basis of having a girlfriend or boyfriend? Aren’t we humans before anything else? If a person is a good human being, how does his/her relationship status alter our perception towards them? No engaged person is special and no single person is undesirable. It is a person’s actions that determine his/her status. Relationship or not, you as a person is what people around you see and will judge you based on that.
Thirdly, if a boy severs all bonds with a girl the moment she rejects his proposal, did he ever love her? When we love someone, we understand everything about them. If she doesn’t reciprocate the same feelings towards him; he should stop pestering her and continue the friendship as she wishes it to be. Why does he have to stretch it to extremes- relationship or nothing? Isn’t it heights of male chauvinism? Can’t the girl have a different opinion regarding that relationship? How dare a boy impose his feelings on her? Is she his property or slave? How can a boy be such a maniac that he tortures a girl by simply boycotting her?
How can a girl force herself to love someone? Are we so materialistic that just because someone gifts us, takes us out, spends money on us and wastes time behind us, we compel ourselves to fall for them? Why do you even accept obligations in the first place if you know you will later be crushed under their magnitude? Why can’t you politely but plainly refuse that you cannot accept any favours? Why is it so difficult to say one NO? One NO can avoid one thousand problems later. It is we girls ourselves who complicate lives and invite all the drama. Life hasn’t got less challenges that we need to add more.
Lastly, by consenting to a relationship only to pacify a boy for a while; isn’t she actually deceiving him? She must tell him the truth and ;eave it up to him whether to wait for her or move on. If she says she loves him even when she does not in reality; she is cheating upon him. Sooner or later, such relationships realize that they do not have a future. Years later when the boy comes to know that she never loved him, won’t he be hurt even more? It’s better to hurt him in the early stage itself so that he has time to recuperate. After years of deception, it may even become impossible for him to recover. Among now or later, it’s better to face it and finish it NOW itself.
Do we live in a brutal world today that has human beings sans humanity? Isn’t it all about having a boyfriend and nothing else? If you are engaged you’re cool; otherwise, I don’t know you.
Dear girls, don’t give in to any proposals till you don’t love the person. Don’t succumb to someone else’s feelings- it’s your life and YOU need to decide. Don’t let emotions overpower your sensibility. There’s so much work to do- don’t waste your time and tears for useless fellows. Don’t ruin your life and don’t waste your precious time! Live life on your own terms and conditions. Don’t create blunders by surrendering to random guys who claim to love you. Not until you love them back. It is your life and you choose who takes which place. You don’t hurt anyone by not feeling the same for them. You hurt and deceive them when you give them false hopes by showing them stars in the day. Be truthful and draw the line whenever needed. Don’t come under obligations. You don’t need a friend who gifts you- you need someone who understands you. Money can buy everything but good human beings. Choose friends with care and don’t succumb to any pressure a boy puts on you. Strive for your individuality.
“When you stand for yourself, the world will stand by you; when you plunge yourself in the labyrinth, not even God will come to save you.”
Choose well! Be strong and safe! Be YOU! 😀