No Scolding

I have always had problems with scolding as a form of negative reinforcement. Contrary to popular belief that it is important to admonish if someone commits a mistake, I believe there are more patient ways to deal with an errant child, student, or any person.

Scolding does not deter people from repeating the same mistakes. It will only ensure that they will not let you know whenever it is repeated. There have to be discussions, maybe elaborate ones so that they understand where they went wrong and why they should not repeat it. Reprimanding might avoid the recurrence of the error, but it might be out of fear more than realization. It is a common tactic used by many people when it is difficult to console someone who is depressed. When initial consolation does not help much, they speak rather rudely or harshly so that the person is forced to become ‘alright’ again. I fail to understand what purpose does it serve, except instilling fear, dislike, and sometimes even hatred.

On a personal note, I thought of this today because someone I love a lot scolded me a lot yesterday. I do not doubt his intentions and I am aware that he has my best interests at heart. But words, like accidents, leave scars. A few days from now, that conversation will not matter anymore; but I will never be able to forget the harsh words he told me. I will think twice before letting him know when something happens because  I will be reminded of this day. I will prefer dying to hearing such hurtful things again.

I think of my father and how patiently he handles me. I trouble him the most, but not for once have I seen him lose his temper with me. He explains things to me over and over again, giving me hope when I least expect it. He has never scolded me for being sad. I feel so grateful to him for all his affection, love, and most importantly, patience.

Scolding is not the right thing to do, especially when someone is depressed. It does not help. Please do not take it up as a tactic or anything else. If someone seems inconsolable, please be a little more sensitive and try again. And if you have lost patience, give up. But don’t get mad at people for being upset, sad or depressed. Don’t be rude or harsh because people are more vulnerable during their worst days. Maybe they need some more time. Your words can harm as well as heal; please don’t do more harm than good.

Signing off with this pearl of wisdom from Dumbledore:

words
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Don’t let the Muggles get you down- Ronald Weasley

Often, when one does very well in life, one sees appreciation pouring in from every corner. One feels so overwhelmed that one could drown in the sea of commendation. Beware, folks! The most ardent admirer could turn out to be one’s nemesis.

Of the number of people from whom compliments flow in, hardly a few are genuine. Most compliments only stem from jealousy and curiosity. No, do not regard me as a pessimist. I am only being pragmatic and sharing lessons from my personal experiences and observations with you.

Not all sugar-coated words are sweet. An overdose could lead to diabetes, remember? These are often strategies to stagnate the development of an achiever. If one is too busy swimming in the pool of admiration, would one venture out to go swim in a restless sea? Would one escalate to the next level? No. One would stay where one is and that is exactly what these so-called ‘admirers’ want.

It is good to be successful and better to be consistently successful. One must never let success get into one’s head. Every success should only be a stepping stone to another; an inspiration to achieve more and never stop working hard. Constructive feedback must be taken more seriously than compliments. A true well-wisher not only wants you to succeed but also to grow and improve each time.

Remember, there are very few people in the world who truly want to see us at the top. Most are the ones who neither dare to achieve the impossible nor would let others do it. Successful people need to learn to distinguish between true friends and those who only pretend to be.

An enemy who swears to be one is anytime better than a friend who later stabs your back. Be careful, be good. Success is as success does. As the saying goes, “Virtue is its own reward.”

Don’t let the Muggles who flatter you too much get you down.

Praise

Never lost

Yesterday, I read a blog post at https://mr64953.wordpress.com/author/mr64953/ . The author expresses his pain after losing his sister who was very dear to him. He labelled her ‘the best psychologist’; I’ll try to be one for him now, though I’m not pretty sure if I could replace her.

I’m sure she misses you too. Maybe, while you were writing that post yesterday, she was missing you badly. Honestly, she would hate to see you so sad. If your happiness lies in hers, don’t you think it would be vice versa as well?

Many things in life are beyond human control. She must have been in a mess; she would have had no option except going. She might have been helpless. Often, we are left with no choice but to surrender to destiny.

Don’t let her absence become your weakness; rather, make it your strength. Make her proud. She never wanted to see you defeated or dejected. She wanted you to rise above everything that lets you down. She won’t be happy at all if you are weak, and you want her to be happy, right? Remember the advices she gave you and follow them.

Smile. She wishes that God always blesses you, she prays for you everyday. You must accept the fact that things cannot be as they were and you must MOVE ON. That is what she wants; that is what God wants.

She misses you and she wants you to be happy more than anything else. Don’t let her down, will you? You can never be lost, because for her, you are and will always be a winner.

Be strong, be happy, be awesome. Make her the proudest sister.

Yes, I am sure she misses you too.

All the best! God will always bless you, dear!